The Silence of Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
 
Dylan Thomas, 1914 - 1953 (excerpt)

My little peeping buddy is no more. I am once again stationed to my nocturnal listening of the moving of materials around me without the small joy of companionship he provided. Giving him a round of lettuce and water before bed he was scurrying around his duck 'condo' when I went to bed, but somehow succumbed to the darkness.

Since he arrived, he has been pretty quiet until about 2 am and like most infants, then wakes up and wants to play. He would peep-peep-peep and tap his beak against the glass rat-tat-tat style until I got up, brought him into my blanket (I am short on my laundry this week, not being super fond of the laundry mat experience) and then would go straight to the bottom where he would snuggle/peck at my feet the rest of the night. This arrangement, although providing me with a 'bedmate' of sorts, has not been really that perfect for my daytime workplace productivity afterwards I must say. I thought the last would be no different, but when I woke at 7am instead of 2am, to a much too quiet cage, I was concerned, one that was well founded. I am not sure why, as he was eating away and bouncy, but he did not make it the night. I was so sad.... that this little downy drop of cheer for me was gone, another petal plucked away from life it seemed and even though it was a little tiny duckling, it was life... something... life around me. Something that is really in need and which no one seems to care enough to provide anymore. Perhaps he was just too fragile for my care, as much as I tried. Rest well my tiny friend... I enjoyed you.

Another Mouth to Feed...

No, That's not what is for dinner, although I have enjoyed a good meal in the past of crispy duck.(shhhhhh!)

No, this little guy, who I so cleverly named Mallard (Malarrrd' ...it's temporary...until I figure out what to do with him) I suddenly met yesterday afternoon. With my car in the shop and walking home from my second job last night, I found him along the curve of a road just before the Mill where I am living at the moment. The mother looked as if she was hit by a car and as there was no others around, I picked this little shivering and peeping orphan up and put him into my breast pocket. It warmed him up and calmed him with my heart beat (In fact he is there right now as I am typing this) for the rest of the way. Setting up a little enclosure for him with heat and water and some finely chopped lettuce) he went right at it and enjoyed a good meal on the house. I think he is fine, but will need someone to 'mother him' for the time being. Having had a duck before, Ping (as highlighted on my 3/31/14 post The Power of Friendship on my other blog), I have some experience with them and what to expect and the care I need to give. Once they 'imprint' on you as the new 'mom', they are super affectionate and will stick with you like glue, following your every foot step. It is beyond cute.

Pretty much being alone these days on non working nights and with Hayden away hiking this entire week with his Mom, my little fuzzy friend here has provided some welcome company, even if the conversation is one sided for now. This morning after a short spell in a shallow end of my bathtub and a soft towel dry, he fell asleep right on the center of my chest, nestled in for a nap. No photos...sorry.

I think perhaps I have found a new friend along the journey of life. Someone to say good morning and good night to, to greet when I come in and look forward to sitting with and to share my warmth with. I have to say, I do not know if he is actually a he and not a she. In truth I would look forward to the magnificent plumage of a fully grown male Mallard, but am o.k. either way.

 As this Friday night is free (and tomorrow night this week as well) I have decided I will take him over to the 'duck' pond I used to go to in a small town nearby, to sit the next couple of nights where we could watch the other ducks for the evening and maybe even share a small picnic at sunset. Everything becomes much too hard in this loneliness, so perhaps I would meet another passionate duck aficionado for some much needed conversation and fellowship while there and learn a thing or two.  You never know who might be there... it is certainly worth a try. It could change life once again... it certainly did for him today.

The curve where he was waiting to say hi!

His new personal space.

D.I.Y.

When I first started this blog, part of what I talked about was sharing food with others, both in the preparation and enjoyment of eating together, but I also talked about a long held desire to share in the growing, raising and gathering of the same. Years back I had a garden on the property I still own, but soon after planting it, I became very sick with Bronchitis and a sinus infection, then immediately after that, left for a mission trip to the Navaho nation out in the four corners region of Arizona. When I returned, the garden was too far gone to recover. A garden shed replaced it's space the next year with even bigger plans, but they were never to be. I doubt it ever will now.

Having grown up with a sizable garden as well as greenhouse and studying horticulture in high school, I always had an interest and aptitude for it all. In more recent years, I reached out to others to 'share' in both the cost and effort in once again starting a de-facto co op, a garden, chickens, maybe more so to speak, but my ideas where rejected and I saw it was not really valued beyond my own mind and heart. It was a blow to my spirit.

My brother, who has a rural neighborhood lot, has in the past few years, planted a very nice garden and has generously shared his bounty. I have helped him out when I could and always enjoyed myself. Now being in a much smaller environment, I have taken what I could on a balcony space and grown a few small vegetables as I was able and continue to do so.

This past weekend I had the first chance this year to get down to our family summer home and while on the journey, stopped to see my brother. His garden was thriving in the early summer growth and he asked me to go out to pick some lettuce for the night's meal at the shore. Once again it was a fun and rewarding treat for me to gather for this particular meal that we were planning. He provided carrots from a previous harvest and Bluefish he caught fresh the day before in the Atlantic Ocean. The herbs I brought where ones I had wintered over inside on my windowsill and my Dad had lemons from a tree in his yard in Florida that he carried on his trip north for the season. Only the capers, which we do not have a bush of, were not provided from within the family.

It was a very delicious meal for the three of us, sharing together the things we each had and it just felt right... much like meals of the past when I was able to hunt and brought home meat for my family. There is a certain satisfaction in doing just that. Something that I will never find at a market, no matter how well stocked it it. I miss that, I miss the opportunity to do so. I miss the chances that were not taken and others missed. I miss doing it myself.

Comfortably Round

The terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Yes. One of those. I know this was the title of a comedic movie that was out a little bit ago, one that I did not see, but the title seemed applicable to yesterday. It is not many days on which you have a medical treatment, find out some very bad news, have to make some really difficult decisions and loose your job all within 6 hours (no, the job loss as devastating news as it is, was not even the very bad news), but as that was the string of events, starting at 1000 a.m.,  I think it would qualify for the above titles. It seems now there is no where else to go other than up. I hope. I cannot image the alternative.   

It started out as an absolutely beautiful day, but after I found I suddenly had the afternoon off, I was not in very much of a mood to cook, I have to confess now, that even with all of this effort that I put into these meals, on many days, while I am alone and am pretty much running from one job to the next to complete my 14 1/2 hour work day, I do not have the time to make something nice for myself. In that, I do not eat as healthy as I want to and succumb to the time constraints to purchase quickly prepared food on the run... you know what I am talking about. I hate that it is the place I am for I so much enjoy good food, food shared and prepared with others....with someone who would love to share a meal with me, talk and enjoy fellowship together or even (gasp), make one for me. Ha... what a thought! Yesterday, being in somewhat of a slump, I felt like doing the same if only for the lack of energy to get into the kitchen, but with even tighter budget considerations, I had to make due. Maybe comfort food would help. It couldn't hurt and as no one seems willing to anymore, as the phone sits silent and the doorstep is empty, the spatula might.

Finding inspiration on a friend's online recipe suggestions, I decided to maybe make something fun, interesting and wholesome to salvage the evening I thankfully had ahead of me with Hayden, even though he was sick. Using some ground turkey, I made meatballs stuffed with mozzarella cheese, coating them in wheat crumbs from crushed up crackers. Browning them and then cooking them into a gravy, I also found a bag of potatoes, cheese, peppers (I always seem to have them) and broccoli and took it another step and made Au gratin potatoes while I was at it. Photos below, 1st of the browned meatballs, then kitchen in mid preparation (notice the cool Gloche with my beautiful orchids... a gift from folks at work... no, not a parting gift, but from my other job), healthy goodness and my heart shaped pan Au Gratin. It came with the stove, but I like it. 

Preparing the Titanic

The title for this entry just came to me tonight mid preparation as I will explain below. I am not one to make lite of the Titanic disaster as anyone who has stood next to me at one of those carnival 'Titanic" slides knows. I find it disturbing that children now slide down the upended 'deck' into the 'water' having fun....something that clearly was not for the souls who did it for real all those years ago. To me, it would be like a 'jump out a window' bouncy chamber, fifty years from now in fun of a more recent national disaster. Any way, back to the food and off of my soapbox.

Stopping at the market after work on a rare evening off, I picked up some things for the week, but had no ideas for dinner. As I was putting stuff away, I knocked over a peanut butter jar and it came to me. Thai shrimp in a coconut peanut sauce over rice. Seemed doable, but I never have made it before on the fly.... by scratch.

I started some Basmati rice first and cut up a half each of a red and yellow pepper as well as some green beans and tanned the shrimp in some olive oil and a little garlic for a bit. Setting them aside, in some coconut oil I melted the peanut butter until it was liquid and spotted an orange on the fridge. I thought "that would go well in there"and squeezed a couple of slices in. It was amazing, the fragrance it gave off and it developed into a a wonderful foamy texture. In the very second I though I was a genius, the foam collapsed into a burned on foul smelling tar that I immediately had to take outside and put on my balcony to save my burning eyes.  Something was wrong. Another pan, oil, pb, orange slices, poof...perfection and immediate failure. The pans, dishes and spoons were all piling up ahead of me and I thought like I was preparing the last meal on the Titanic. It was a total shipwreck. Tempting a third strike, I made some serious adjustments to the temperature/time and was home. I added the shrimp back in, put it on the now Cumin dusted rice with the veggies and was done. Not as spicy as I had envisioned, but better than I thought.

With the accomplishment and failures behind me, I sat down to eat by myself at this computer to write this post. The view from my my desk down towards the creek at sunset saved my spirit from falling as I contemplated the wisdom of placing a sign along the road, 'Will make you dinner for your company', but I realized in in truth, once they saw the two burned pans outside the door, they probably wouldn't knock. The offer still stands though... will cook for company. 

The Veggie

The Shrimp           

Beauty before the Beast

A Day without

 After a really long, quite tiring week, one that left me with a some-sort of a tired/ ill/ stomachache/ headache kind of sleepless night last night, it was nice to see the sun shinning bright and the creek and birds providing a nice chorus to the morning. Usually today, Mothers Day as celebrated here in the U.S would mean for us sons or dads, a day of making our mother and/ or spouse feel a little bit more appreciated and special for the myriad of simple and wonderful things they do for us everyday without sadly, usually any notice.

For me today, a day without my own Mom among us anymore and without anyone else who would care to be celebrated with me, it was an odd day. Getting up late (9:00), I walked a bit up the hill to get a long view of the river, but was not up for breaking my steps in anything brisker than that. I took some time to remember the qualities that my Mom left behind in me and reminisce on celebrations of care and breakfasts in bed in my own family. It was a quiet morning, a quiet day.

Returning, I looked into the fridge and really did not feel like preparing anything significant, but after finding some turkey bacon, two waffles (yes...the frozen round ones...don't judge), some asparagus, butter and a lemon, I was more inspired and decided to make myself at least a decent breakfast. Using the egg yolks and butter for a Hollandaise Sauce, I whisked them with my meager whisk (in a twist between the palms build-a-fire-with-a-stick style) to twice their volume, as called for by my phone recipe and cooked the egg whites, topping it with bacon over waffles and asparagus along with the ever so delicious sauce.

I felt bad that I could not make it for someone deserving... a great Mom out there perhaps sitting in bed wishing for such a meal, but I had to resign to eating alone on the grass, by the creek with the water passing by to take my memories away. I do wish a wonderful day to those out there whom I know sacrifice so much for their children.

Biting the cook back

Bruton...our very green, very finicky house companion, sometime dinner company and general all around herbivorous good guy deserves a spot here too, as his meals get just as much (well almost just as much) attention as do our own.

As a green (I already said that) Iguana, he is strictly a vegetarian and a picky one at that. I said that too. In trying to also prepare interesting, attractive and delicious meals for him, I have done more than my fair share of research on what he might like to eat, what is nutritious for him, etc... etc... and have a pretty comprehensive list of veggies that work for him and the cycles in which I should serve them.

To present a mini smorgasbord for my little friend, we supply him with dark greens, such as collard or mustard or occasionally kale and green beans, adding in color in red and yellow peppers, carrots, sweet potatoes and mixing in small bits of fruits like strawberries, apple, blueberries and his favorite, grapes, which he seems to cherry pick with his nose, kind of like a kid going for the dessert first. Although I can't blame him, I have taken to separating and serving these last to make sure he stays healthy and happy. It makes Hayden happy that I do... and that makes me happy... of course.

He seems to enjoy his meals and when in the mood, chows them down with vigor, much like Hayden, but unlike me, mostly prefers to eat them alone in the Vivarium which I made for his habitat. He seems to enjoy it there, having a great view of the creek and as he sports a long, (I am told..painful) whip-like tail and lots of small, but very sharp teeth, I would like to remain firmly on a 'buddy' status with him. I do not like to be bit. 

 His personal space with a view of a beautiful snow this past winter.

Here he is hanging out in his palm 'tree', waiting to be fed.